It all started last Wednesday when our normally happy-go-lucky baby girl did not have a good showing when she went up to Daddy's work for an hour while Mommy went to the dentist. Now, this is unusual because her best times for being friendly and batting her eyelashes and giving her great smile are mornings. And Wednesday morning she would have none of it. When I got her home I noticed she seemed very tired. I put her down for her morning nap which usually last from 45 minutes to 1 hour and 15 minutes last 2 hours and 30 minutes. I should have guessed something was up at that point. Our Little Britches woke up at 1 am Thursday morning with a temperature of 103.7. The overnight nurse informed us of the correct Tylenol dosage and made us an appointment for the next day with our doctor.
Thursday morning Little Britches had 102 temperature so I gave her some more medicine. By the time we got to the doctor she was smiling and had no fever. The doctor said it seems like a virus that just needs to run its course. The rest of Thursday and Friday were spent mostly hanging around the house and staying pretty low key. Her fever seemed to be on the downward slope- 101, 100, 99...Then came Saturday morning.
On Saturday morning Little Britches felt warm, so we took her temperature. It was 101.5. We gave her some medicine, but in an hour and a half her temperature had gone up, not down and she seemed to be breaking out into a red bumpy rash. She was also extremely fussy and tired. We decided not to chance it and to call the after hours clinc for an appointment. We got one for Saturday afternoon. By the time we arrived at the doctor she was smiling and babbling away making us feel a little foolish for bringing her.
The nurse took her temperature, which was still pretty high. After a doctor's examination it was determined that it was most likely just a virus as we were told before, but with her fever being high and with her being so young the doctor just wanted to rule out some other more serious possibilities.
What came next was the hardest hour of my parenting life. First that put a catheter in our little one to get a urine sample. Then they stuck a swab up her nose to test for the flu. Then we had to go over to the lab so they could draw blood out of her arm. This was the worst! They stuck the needled in, but could not find the vein. It seemed to take FOREVER for them to roll the needle around enough to get in the vein. Then the blood stopped flowing, so they were digging around some more. This entire time Daddy was holding Little Britches arm out and still, while I stood at her head and looked into her wide-eyes as she screamed and looked at me for help. I know you are supposed to be strong for your kiddos so they won't be scared, but I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I kept telling her she was brave and they were searching for anything bad that might be in her body. By the end of the ordeal we had all three cried.
The good news is all test came back negative and we do seem to be dealing with just a virus.
As I was looking into my baby girls eyes I was hit with this truth: I have many times asked God to search me and know me. (Psalm 139:22-24) But I never once expected that to be a painful process. I think if God has ever begun to really search me and it hurt I pulled away. What have I missed? What areas in my life has he wanted to change for his glory? I don't know. I have pulled away or cried out for help.
It is hard, but I want say, but I want God to search me, know me, test me, and lead me in the way everlasting....even if it hurts...a lot.